17
Sep
13

Back in action

Daddy shut down my blog for quite awhile, but is now allowing me to return.  We moved to our new place last year, going from 1 state to another. I had my sights on our new location and didn’t want to look back.  I was tired of it….and kind of planted the seed with Daddy that this was a good change to happen, etc.  It was my dream to move here…I love the weather, the sights, the newness of a strange place…but after 2 months,  I also began to suffer depression from missing family, familiar streets, I guess you take it for granted when you live in 1 place for 32 years.  That is where I learned to drive a car, where I graduated from High School, I knew where everything was.  Even cars traveling on the road at the same time as me every day looked familiar.  So we move somewhere where nothing is familiar….I guess I wasn’t prepared for the emotions that can come with that….. at all.

It started with just wanting to kind of stay home.  I was ok with going sight seeing, bu then I kind of started getting anxious while we were out, as if we needed to get back home, or to a hotel room, to pack up and go home.  We had visited here several times before our move, so I guess that’s where my anxiety came into play….I just assumed it was a trip like all of the other times.  But then we headed back to this house….and I felt restless because it wasn’t yet home.
Daddy tried to send me to the store by myself several times, but I had so much anxiety over being GPS dependent.  The roads aren’t the same, the signs aren’t the same, heck even the speed limits are very different.   I even ended up in a ditch because I went around the corner a little too fast, so my car spun off the road and down the grassy hill into a little ditch.  I was able to pull myself out of it and drive home, but not without a huge emotional scar….. I found myself in the position of making excuses to wait until he got home from work so we could both go together.   I could not drive without feeling my heart race, feeling lost, out of my element, and in a panic….
My daughter stayed behind, to go to college, and that was another huge blow.  She was going to come with us, but then decided she wanted to stay near her friends.
One night daddy started to ask questions about her, just wondering how she was doing, and I ended up in a panic attack, unable to take deep breaths, I was crying, shaking, and I think for the first time, Daddy realized I wasn’t making any of this up.  I really was affected from our move.  So he started to ask me questions…….

Do you want to move back?
No
Do you like it here?
Yes
Then what is wrong?
Nothing is familiar, I feel my heart race when I leave the house.  My daughter isn’t here.  My family is celebrating holidays without me, I don’t know anybody.

So we began to take it slow.  I was no longer asked to go run errands.  The pressure was off me to leave the house.  I began to do things around here to make it more of a home, including setting up a garden.
My daughter came to visit a few times, and when my sibling got married, I went back home for the wedding.

The changes haven’t just affected me, Daddy had to start a new job after being at his old one for 18 years.  He was a stranger here, the low man on the totem pole, starting from scratch.  He was irritable for awhile.  He didn’t want to cuddle.  He wasn’t his happy go lucky self.  He was worried…..  all the time.   Would he learn the job, would they like him, would he pass the 6 months review, would he ever feel settled, would his wife be okay again, etc.
My anxiety is better, but it threw off our whole dynamic….even our nighttime routine.  With his issues, and my issues, it put a huge wedge between us.
We are just celebrating a year here, and can look back and see some progress, but we do have a ways to go…making new friends is tough, feeling settled, looking around and retraining your brain that this is the new familiar, its been harder than I ever thought it would be.  Daddy is doing very well in his job, but I think he has his moments where he wonders if he will feel settled and not be the new guy anymore.

17
May
12

More than enough stress

I haven’t been here in a little while….I have been working, and trying to get the house ready to be put up for sale.
It is going to take a lot of patience for me to go through this process….I don’t normally have a lot of people in my home.  Heck, even family doesn’t come over.  I can be social, when I want to, but also love my own private space.
So thinking about strangers in my house, viewing my things, walking into my bathroom and my closet kind of creeps me out.  I have thoughts of not getting a call that someone is coming to view the house, and being on my bed, naked, enjoying my vibrator time……Guess that should be packed here soon too.
The realtor came today, to meet us, and start the ball rolling.  I wasn’t nice to daddy. 
My kids and I are listed on the house, and so when the realtor came over, we all sat at the table and daddy was kind of left out.  But understandably, this is just something the 3 of us have to take care of, so that we can move on to greener pastures.  The realtor was explaining comps in the neighborhood, what factors go into listing prices, etc….and daddy began to talk about something off topic….so I “shushed” him.  I know he wasn’t happy, but I had to listen to this guy.  We were deciding the price to list our house.  I know he meant well, but he wasn’t getting it.
So then later on he was upset about getting to work and getting my son back to his dads house.  I understand he needed to get to work, and was in that mode, but I was still in mine.  I just listed the house.  I still had things running in my mind, projects to think about that needed to be completed by tomorrow morning…..
So he took me in to another room to talk about it.  He wanted to know why his things aren’t important.  They are.  But usually, he chooses to have his “moments”, when I am already in the middle of my own.  So when I am in freak out mode over the house being up for sale, he has a moment.  I am supposed to switch gears and make it about him?  Not fair.
When I am stressed about something, he will turn the conversation into something about his crisis or past issues, sometimes.  Can we not have separate times of stress?  Its like he can’t let me have my moment, deal with mine, and then we move on.
He tends to get hyper focused on his own stuff, even if its not even starting to be about him. 
I needed him to hold me, to help me focus and grasp that our new journey is coming fast and I am ok.  But instead, he was focused on his stuff and I had to walk away.
If you are having a stressful situation, and the person you are talking to begins to talk about themselves, their stuff, or their past, then you feel like you aren’t being heard.  I’m in that mode today.  This was an important day for me.  I have never done this before.  Its intimidating, and the unknown always brings fear for me. 
Hope he can understand that.

 

08
May
12

Fet Life

So I am new to being a submissive wife, as I have already stated….
In our house, I call my Dom “Daddy”.  He is my protector, my lover, my head of the bedroom, my teacher, my leader, and legally my husband…
I had no confusion about my role, until I decided to start a profile on Fet Life.  What I was looking for was friendships of other women like me, who I could ask questions of, read how others are doing things, to help educate myself, etc.
After signing up for Fet Life, I kind of feel like that scene in the movie “Mr.Mom” where he went to the grocery store to buy lunch meat and cheese.  He asked for “cheese” and the clerk asked him what kind….
so she starts rambling off “cheddar, colby, monterey jack, swwiss, provolone.”  All he thought of was “cheese.”  So he stood there, overwhelmed, surprised, blank.
That’s how I felt after browsing Fet Life groups.  I thought I was just “cheese.”
But Fet Life groups want to know if I am “a little, baby, baby girl, tween, diapered, etc……so I tried looking up “daddy” and kind of had the same luck…..my Dom isn’t like a lot of them.
I don’t have a diaper fetish….I don’t baby talk to daddy….I don’t play with toys all day….I don’t have a daddy who is 40 years older than I am…..I don’t treat him like a sugar daddy.
“Daddy” is my term of respect and endearment for him.  I am equal to him in bill paying, making a lot of house decisions when he isn’t home, but do count on him to guide me through a lot of things, and he is in control in our bedroom, discipline, and house rules.
I just wanted to find some people like me…..guess that’s a hard thing to find?
Any suggestions?
I have wider eyes tonight, after seeing some of those groups, profiles, etc.  I do not judge what other’s do…but being a vanilla for 41 1/2 years of my life, all I could do was stare blankly at the computer and mumble…..”wow, people do that?  Oh shit, they do that too”?

08
May
12

Pink surprise

So daddy was having quite a day…I could tell he was stressed….and I decided to attempt to put a smile on his face.
I ran to the store and bought the cutest little lacy pink bra/panty set…which matched my pink fuzzy handcuffs, of course.  All pink and adorable.
Waiting for him to come home seemed to take forever!!  As soon as I heard him in the door, I yelled downstairs for him to go directly to the shower, giving me enough time to hide, then get myself ready.
While he was in the shower, I put on my outfit, the handcuffs, and my black blindfold and sat posed on the bed.
I heard the shower turn off…and a few minutes later there was this big gasp and then a excited “Hellooooooo”.
He came over and took my blindfold off and kissed me.  He began to touch me, examining my new outfit, a huge smile was planted on his face.  I turned around to model for him….he likes my butt :)
He was very very happy to see me.  I told him “everybody loves cotton candy”, smiling. That’s kinda what I looked like…..pink cotton candy :)  He laughed and said “Oh yeah.”
Daddy kissed on me and then led me to the bed so I could lay down.  It was yummy to have my body kissed, tickled, stroked, loved….I was so turned on.  He was too :)
I orgasmed so hard under daddy’s control.  He just takes my soul, shakes it, makes it explode and leaves me in a state of weakened mush.
I love him so.

 

 

06
May
12

His desires aren’t always my desires

Daddy has told me once he desires to try out sexual asphyxiation, which I was very glad to quickly change the subject…..the subject hasn’t been revisited….but he has started to put his hands on my neck, touching, caressing, and sometimes using a light grip.

I trust him to do anything, to hold my life in his hands even….but something about not being able to breathe, just freaks me out.  I don’t know if I could let him try that out on me, deep down I hope the fantasy just goes away for him.
But if it doesn’t, then I guess I will face that, because I am after all, his submissive. 
Some things I see online are hard for me to comprehend….like hanging, being tied up with ropes from head to toe, being gagged, tortured….and Daddy seems to not be turned on by those things as well, which makes me very very happy. 

He also wants me to swallow.  He has been patient with me, as this is something I really don’t like to do.  I know I am not alone, there are a gazillion women who don’t like it either.  Daddy loves spicy food, and his cum reflects his diet.  He thinks putting a glass of water by the bed will solve the problem for me.
In all the relationships I have had, I was forced to swallow several times by 1 man.  I was not in a submissive relationship with my first husband, but he grabbed the back of my hair and held me there while he just did it to me, without telling me it was going to happen.  I felt used.  I didn’t love him, so that made it so hard on me.  I used to have nightmares. I even woke up several times to find him having sex with my sleeping body.  He was a twisted man.
So back to swallowing……
Daddy says he can make me do it,  in love or in punishment, and sure, he can, but I am usually relieved when he doesn’t think about it.  He doesn’t know what happened to me back then, maybe I should tell him.  Maybe I shouldn’t, and just deal with my thoughts by myself.

 

06
May
12

Hot love

So I have been busy….too busy to blog about it even…lol

2 days ago I rocked his world..as he would say.  Daddy came home at lunch, and lil lamb was wearing nothing but tennis shoes, folding clothes.  He about fell over, his smile was so big.
Daddy gets very turned on by unusual things….this is one of them.  It felt weird for me to be wearing nothing but shoes walking around the house, but he loved it.
He got on the bed with me, and began to put his hands on me, running them all up and down my body.  Feels so good when daddy takes his lil lamb in his control.
He brought out the vibrator and pushed it deep inside me, watching me climax over and over again.  I was so eager for him to be inside of me, I kept begging.  He waited. I begged. He still waited.  Finally he was ready to give it to me.  I suggested he get out the vibrator, use that in me at the same time….(another one of his fantasies he had yet to try out on me) so his face lit up, that big grin plastered from ear to ear.
He was in my ass, filling me up, and had the vibrator deep in kitty.  What an orgasm that was. 
I felt bad though, he was now running late for work.  Happy, but late.  Sorry Daddy.

Round 2………
So right before 10 pm I got a text to bring out the handcuffs,blindfold, lil blue vibe, vibe, whippy tickle thingy, and lube.  Should just keep the lube under the pillow.  Its used more than cooking oil in our house.
So I laid out his boxers, got the items on the bed, and was waiting eagerly for him.  When he finally walked in, I was pretty turned on.  He handcuffed me, blindfolded me, and began to tickle and stimulate my whole body with the leather ends of the whip.  He encircles my stomach on the sides, which makes me flinch because it tickles so bad.  Over and over again he slowly drug it across my quivering body.
Daddy then plunged his fingers inside me, I was so relieved because I couldn’t take it anymore!  Damn he knows how to tease me.  He started to rub kitty on the outside….another favorite…..and then he did the ultimate….he used both lil blue vibe and vibe on me.  Rubbing me on the outside slowly, while sliding the other in me, he got this rhythm going that I got swept away in…..and I orgasmed ….my body shook, it hit me so deep, both outside and inside at the same time.  I have never had an orgasm like that before.   Lil lamb lay there tender, quiet, quivering.  Daddy kept kissing me, touching my face.  We fell asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

03
May
12

Spank me? Uh oh

A few days ago I posted about the kink items that came in the mail…

This is the follow up post….

So Daddy text me to tell me to have the mask, whip, vibrator, and lube out…and as commanded, I had showered, put his boxers on the counter, and brought out the requested toys.

I was nervous, I have to admit.  Being the blindfold virgin..never using a whip before..it was settling in, as soon as I heard him come up the stairs.

He must have sensed the timidness, because after greeting me, daddy came to sit by me and reassure me that he wasn’t going to hurt me, I had some control over how far it went, and he would talk me through what he was going to do.

He told me it was time to put on the blindfold, and I did.  My heart was racing.  “Take a deep breath,” he whispered.  I softly inhaled, and allowed my body to sink into the bed as I exhaled all of the tension, and nervousness, and fear.  I wasn’t afraid of daddy, I was fearful of being out of control.  This was a first for me.  Even though he is in control in our bedroom, I can always see what is coming at me, what he’s going to do….this changed the whole thing for me.  This brought the trust I have in him to a whole new dimension.

Daddy began to run his hands all over my body.  Then I felt an unusual, erotic caressing from the leather whip.  He made it dance around my body, moving quickly then slowly, all over me.  It was such a turn on.  He kissed my nipples then ran the leather over them, encircling me slowly.  He ran it between my legs before he helped me out of my panties.  Then he teased me with the leather, then his fingers, then the vibrator.  I was reaching orgasm over and over again.

Daddy put himself inside of me.  He was drippy, hard, and so turned on.  I didn’t realize what this would do to him.  I guess it excited him a lot.  He came so hard, releasing all of himself inside of me.  Felt so good.

He brought me to my knees and with the vibrator deep inside of me, I came again.  My legs were so numb.  I sunk into his arms, quivering, panting, coming down from my sexual high.

The lion conquered me, his little lamb.  I always feel so powerless, small, loved, protected, cherished, when he is in control of me.  He told me how aroused he was to see me wearing the blindfold.  Helpless, powerless to him.  I haven’t seen him turned on like that.  He also likes the whippy tickle thingy, running it all over my body, watching me spasm.

Daddy told me I would need to wear my ben wa balls every day, to enhance my muscles, and he said I should do it at least for an hour.  Wow…..homework.  That’s a first…besides requesting I clean out my car.

The next night daddy brought out the blindfold again and rocked my world.  He always moves in me, around me, on me, very slowly….teasing….watching me move my hips…and whimper for him to fuck me.  The little lamb needed the lion so bad.  He orgasmed me so hard, the lamb cried.

Last night I did something new…..

Daddy has been pretty tired…so he was having trouble getting his cock to cooperate and stay up.  I asked if he would get the chair and move it to the foot of the bed.  I slid down near the foot of the bed, and with the vibrators and lube by my side, I opened my legs wide.  I began to slide my fingers in and out, first, slowly, rocking my hips, letting him watch me.  I wore the blindfold so I couldn’t see him staring at me.  It was hard enough doing this in front of him, the blindfold made it easier.

I interchanged between the clit vibe and the full vibrator, and even used both, and brought myself to a seizing orgasm.  Daddy was so proud.  He, of course, fucked me with his fingers after wards.  We fell asleep exhausted, in love.

I love him.  I love his caring, his protective, nurturing way.  I love how he is now taking this role seriously, and is in charge.  I need this. We need this.  He loves this now.

This morning he slid his tongue in me, and made me come till I cried again.  I just lay there.  The little lamb was helpless, shaking, in love.  He caressed my skin, and held me.  He always moves the hair from my face, smiles at me, tells me I am beautiful, sexy, loved.  He massages my body, and every time I look up from whatever I am doing, daddy is watching me.  Smiling.  He always looks at me like how a little kid looks at a Christmas present.

I screwed up today though.  And the other day too.  I am in charge of making his dinner, for work, and the other day I forgot the salad dressing.  Its a big deal when you don’t have much food in the bag, and the salad is part of the main meal. Plus its the fancy lettuces, not romaine.

Well then today I took out the dirty silverware, as I have done so many times before, but I didn’t put in any new replacements.

My lion sent me a text….

I am to bring out the whip, the lube, the vibrator, the mask.  I am to be naked.  And for forgetting the dinner things, I am getting a spanking.  This is new for us.  He has tapped by butt, but hasn’t spanked me yet.  I do deserve it. I did forget.  I apologized, but 2 times now, isn’t fair to him.  Its not like he’s in our kitchen and can grab what he needs.  I sent a text explaining I understood, and that he knows whats best for me.  I have asked to be accountable.  Now its time to accept what comes with that.  He is accepting this lifestyle I have asked for, then I have to also live up to my end.  The lion has spoken.  The lamb will be ready.  I’m getting my first spanking.

I love him so much.




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